Strands of Genius [BFTP]: NFT the DP, How Perfectionists Get In Their Own Way, Manual of Me/You Print & Apologies
BLAST FROM THE PAST [APR 2021] -- Plus, our thoughts on Apologies
SENT FROM | Kyoto
WORKING ON | ~living that sabbatical life~
LOOKING AHEAD
Aug 24-Oct 1 | Koh Lanta, Thailand
Oct 1-5 | Bangkok, Thailand
October 5-22 | Japan (Tokyo, Osaka, Noashima, Teshima, Kyoto, Atami)
Oct 22-Nov 4 | Isla Mujeres, MX
Nov 4-Nov 12 | Nashville, TN
Nov 12-23 | Chattanooga, TN
Nov 24-Dec 5 | Isla Mujeres, MX
:: WHAT’S NEW & WEEKLY GRATITUDE ::
We’re taking some time away from our computers, but we didn’t want you to miss us too much! This edition is a blast from the past, featuring content from April of 2021. But there is one thing that we want to call to your attention! Rosie will be joining our friend Mark Pollard for The Sweathead Do-Together 2023. The theme is ‘Irreplaceable’ and you can find out more/purchase tickets here.
:: THE LINKS ::
NFT THE DP
Ever received an unsolicited dick pic? Of the millennial men polled about sending dick pics, at least a quarter were unsolicited. And 78% of women polled have received an unsolicited dick pic. This cheeky site Zoe Scaman made with Very Serious aims to prevent men from sending unsolicited dick pics. Here’s more from India Times. (NFT the DP / India Times)
HOW PERFECTIONISTS CAN GET OUT OF THEIR OWN WAY
It seems that “I’m a perfectionist” is one of the most common answers when you ask that question in a job interview, “What’s your weakness?” It signifies you care deeply, and often assumed by both the interviewer and interviewee to have a net positive benefit. But it truly is a double-edged sword. If you’re so conscientious, you may avoid mistakes, but you may be avoiding challenges, as well, which means missing out on opportunities. Perfectionists also tend to be dismissive of incremental gains -- and yet, asking yourself “How could I make this 1% better?” is far less overwhelming and may allow you to see easier ways to improve upon the task or problem at hand. Whether you consider yourself a practiced perfectionist or a part-time perfectionist, some useful ways of thinking within this HBR article.(Harvard Business Review)
MANUAL OF ME / THE YOUPRINT
Whether you’re full-time with a team, or freelance, this is “is a tool to help you discover and communicate how you work best with others.” Inspired by Simon White developed by Matthew Knight, and in their own words: “The concept dates back to 2008, in an article by Ben Dattner where he outlined a simple guide to getting the best out of you as a manager. The idea was then popularised by Adam Bryant through his series of interviews with business leaders for his Corner Office column in the New York Times.” They even include some examples of how others have used the site’s framework. (Manual of Me)
Inspired by the Manual of Me, we put together the YouPrint, which helps us to better understand our team members preferences inside and outside of work. You can see what we use, and copy it from our Google slides here.
Strands of Genius is currently read by more than 14,000 subscribers. Support us by sponsoring an issue, encouraging friends or colleagues to subscribe.
:: WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT: APOLOGIES ::
During our 9 mile walk/hike (can it be a hike if it was on a flat beach?! Google says yes), Faris and I talked about a great many of things. One of those things was our dislike for Volkswagen. Most recently, they said they were renaming their brand “Voltswagen” to stress their commitment to electric vehicles, and they saw their stock price rise by more than 5% because of it. CNET wrote, “There are marketing stunts, and there are April Fools' jokes. What Volkswagen pulled this week is neither of those. The company that spent billions of dollars rectifying lies about its over-polluting cars last decade, Volkswagen purposefully lied and misled to support the launch of its first electric car in the US, the ID 4.”
It’s really obnoxious, considering that whole Dieselgate scandal, where VW knowingly lied on government emissions tests. Actually, it’s worse than that - the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency found that Volkswagen had installed special software to intentionally deceive U.S. emissions tests for its latest “clean diesel” vehicles. VW admitted that ~11MM of their (diesel) vehicles worldwide were fitted with a deceptive software, and it turns out the cars were putting out more than 40x the legal limit of nitrogen-oxide emissions (NOx)—a smog-forming pollutant linked to lung cancer. As of 1 June 2020, the scandal had cost VW $33.3 billion in fines, penalties, financial settlements and buyback costs — and yet, there was no apology. At the time, the CEO Matthias Müller said the company didn’t lie but faced a “technical problem”. (The former CEO had been sent a memo about the emissions devices in 2014). And yeah, no apology, and no one went to jail.
Forty times the allowed NOx emissions is a pretty big deal, and it seems crazy that with that kind of impact an apology wouldn’t be forthcoming.
More generally, companies seem to be bad at apologizing.
And it’s not just companies, it’s individuals, too.
On Sunday, one of my friends shared with me this post from Rachel Hollis, an author and blogger whose “intention with every post is the same: to give you tools and show you what’s possible for your one and only life.” Her brand of female empowerment shenanigans are built on a privileged belief that you have the ability to fix any problems you might have (as if culture doesn’t play into that). She got into some hot water when she was on an Instagram Livestream and mentioned “the woman who cleans her toilets.”
In her video response (linked above) she goes on to say that she acknowledges her privilege — but then immediately says that she has these things because she works hard, and most people won’t wake up at 4 to put in the work. She says that most people won’t work as hard as she will, which is why they won’t achieve what she has. Watching it, I was nearly losing my shit. How do you claim to acknowledge privilege and then in the same breath comment how it was all your hard work that got you there?
And it’s an, um, interesting way of talking about a person who cleans your house, pointedly referring to them as someone who ‘cleans your toilets.’ Rachel Cargle called her out, saying:
“There is so much here that others have so eloquently addressed, but I can’t fathom the root of you addressing your housecleaner as the person who ‘cleans your toilets.’ For the record…. the goal of ethically successful women isn’t to be ‘unrelatable’ and afford to someone to clean ones toilet. It’s to relate deeply to others in order to show what is possible for all of us and it’s to uphold dignity for the women we say we are fighting for. I sued to nanny for a woman like you. She was always on stage empowering women — but at home the woman ‘cleaning her toilets’ didn’t seem to deserve the same empowerment. One more thing… many, many people wake up at 4 and work hard — I can think of a few thousand farm workers, school teachers, construction workers, bus drivers and sanitation workers.”
And Rachel Cargle’s response, after a noticeable amount of silence, led to this half-hearted apology from Rachel Hollis, which was also infuriating. She blames her team, says that her intent and impact were two different things (the equivalent of “I’m sorry you didn’t understand what I meant.”) And as I ranted to Faris about how obnoxious this half hearted apology was, it got me thinking…
What is a good apology?
It turns out that a lot of people who are a whole lot smarter than me (or who at least have thought about this a lot more) who have outlined what a good apology entails. Here’s some of what makes a good apology:
Being specific about what you’re apologizing for
Acknowledging what was wrong about it (and as Dr. Harriet Lemer says, this should not include the word “but”)
Accepting responsibility and committing to not doing it again
Focuses on your action, rather than the other person’s response (forgiveness is not a requirement in an apology)
Asking how you can make amends
For personal apologies, there’s also an element of consent: “Receiving an apology requires a degree of emotional labour that those we have harmed do not owe us. Checking in around boundaries and willingness to accept an apology - note: receive, not accept. Respecting someone’s choice not to engage in the apology demonstrates that we value their healing over our comfort” writes Rania, in a beautiful post on how to apologize.
With those conditions, is it even possible for a company to truly apologize?
It seems that part of the problem is that companies are loathe to admit any wrongdoing, in any specificity, as they are worried about financial harm. To that point, they don’t tend to accept any responsibility. In fact, they often pay a fine to *avoid* having to take any kind of responsibility. And when it comes down to it, their focus is never on their action but instead on the consumer’s response: They want to be forgiven, the act to be forgotten, and their product to be bought again.
Sean O’Mara points out how companies so often fail in their apologies, and one of the things that drives him crazy is when companies include a character reference. O’Mara wrote the book The Impulse Apology and talking to Vox said:
If you’re apologizing, you’re conceding that you failed. If you’re conceding that you’ve failed, it’s just not the time to give yourself a character reference and say, “Hey. We’re great 99 percent of the time. We messed up here.” If the customer is the 1 percent — if you’re that person that’s really unlucky — that’s going to make them feel worse because they’re like, “Okay. I’m the person that suffered from this rare and exceptional failure, as you put it. That gives me no comfort whatsoever.”
For brands, apologies shouldn’t be about public relations — We regret that you no longer want to give us your money — but true regret, and remorse, about their actions, not the fact they were found out.
(Remember when Sheryl Sandberg gave a non-apology for Facebook’s psychological experiments on users without consent? Don’t get me wrong - I’m a fan of hers, just not of the non-apology: "It was poorly communicated," Sandberg said. "And for that communication we apologize. We never meant to upset you."A faux apology because she addresses the communication, rather than the actions.)
O’Mara cites this Jet Blue example which was one of the first public social media apologies, which I’ve referenced in more than one presentation. The CEO at the time pretty much nails all of the list above.
In a Radiolab podcast, Apologetical, they dive into corporate apologies and find that admitting fault doesn’t always have a worse financial implication for the company, as so often is thought. They look to hospitals, and medical accidents, and one specific instance in which a young child, Gabriel, dies because of the fault of Stanford. And instead of glazing over what happens, Stanford decided to have someone meet with the mom, Leilani. Leilani rattles of her list of grievances and then, Pam Wells, the patient liaison who has been assigned her case from within Stanford, says:
"We are so sorry this happened, and this terrible thing happened. No family should ever go through this kind of loss, and particularly not under these circumstances. And we, we really want to be able to help you and understand what you need from us in order to help you navigate this devastating event. We're committed to not only answering your questions, but we are fully investigating what happened and want to make sure that we can put some things in place so that this never happens to another child or family."
The situation that led to this young boy’s death happening, they went on to notify hospitals all around the country as to what happened, and why, so it could be avoided. In their apology, they gave the family evidence that could be used in court. But ultimately, even though they admitted fault, the family decided not to sue.
Of course, there’s still a financial element. Because the reason that they do this? Stanford found out that they could save a whole lot of money with apologies. They found that apologies often meant that families felt heard, and honored, and wouldn’t sue. And in this Radiolab episode, the hosts bring this up. Is the apology genuine if it saves the company money? How does Leilani feel knowing this was the reason? And here’s what she says:
I don't care about it at all. I don't care. I don't care about the motivation. I would love it, I would love it if human connection was the motivation, but I know that it's not. And the fact that this is, makes good business sense... If that's what drives people... I will get on board.
The apology made such an impact that Pam and Leilani remain friends to this day, and Leilani went onto be a patient liaison for Stanford. It’s a brilliant episode of Radiolab that dives into several other situations with apologies and you should absolutely listen to it.
While we’re on the topic — Can you think of a corporation who have truly given a great apology? What did it entail and why was it so great? We’d love to hear from you.
Thanks to my dear friend Morgan for inspiring this write-up :)
:: AND NOW… ONE MORE APOLOGY ::
;) tee hee ;)
If we can ever be of help to you, please don’t hesitate to let us know. We’d love to collaborate on something awesome.
rockON,
faris & rosie & ashley | your friends over at geniussteals.co
@faris is always tweeting
@rosieyakob hangs out on instagram
@ashley also writes for deaf, tattooed & employed
Know someone who could use some inspiration in their inbox? Send ‘em our way!
It's called Genius Steals because we believe ideas are new combinations and that nothing can come from nothing. But copying is lazy. We believe the best way to innovate is to look at the best of that which came before and combine those elements into new solutions.
Co-Founders Faris & Rosie are award-winning strategists and creative directors, writers, consultants and public speakers who have been living on the road/runway since March 2013, working with companies all over the world. Our Director of Operations is nomadic like us, our accounting team is based out of Washington, our company is registered in Tennessee, and our collaborators are all over the world. Being nomadic allows us to go wherever clients need us to be, and to be inspired by the world in between.
Hit reply and let’s talk about how we might be able to work together :)