Strands of Genius: Default Mode Network, Male Loneliness, How Self Care Made Us Lonely
Plus: thoughts on playing with clay
WRITING FROM | Chattynoogs, TN
WORKING ON | catching up, new workshop, writing, health club
LOOKING AHEAD
May 20 - June 16 | Chattanooga, TN
June 16-17 | Atlanta, GA
June 17-28 | Chattanooga, TN
June 28-30 | Nashville, TN
June 30-July 3 | Chattanooga, TN
July 3-7 | Beersheba Springs, TN
July 7-23 | Chattanooga, TN
July 24-27 | Isla Mujeres, MX
July 29-Aug 13 | Chattanooga, TN
Aug 15-18 | Charlotte, NC
Aug 18-?? | Chattanooga, TN
:: WHAT’S NEW & WEEKLY GRATITUDE ::
Is anyone else loving seeing rainbows everywhere?! I know half the brands are faking their support for Pride, or perhaps disingenuous would be a better way of describing it. And still, I love all of the rainbows. I love the outpouring of love and support. It makes me think of our friend in Brazil, Mauricio, who once told me “I can’t help it Rosie. I *love* love.” Me too, Mauricio. Me, too :)
This week, we’re especially thankful for:
Will & Cory, our contractors and all around handy-men, who are helping us transform our house into a home, our neighbors, but especially Jennifer, who is always down for planning hikes to show you the best places to pick wild blueberries, SCCA, the pottery studio where Rosie takes her wheel classes and volunteers for kids summer camps, and really the whole pottery community, for being so welcoming, all of the women of the LWS Board who have been putting in some hard work to prepare and launch LWS 2.0, our new clients, who seem absolutely delightful, & YOU - of course, and always. Thanks for being here, for letting us into your inbox each week, and for reading.
:: THE LINKS ::
YOUR BRAIN CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH FOCUS
The Default Mode Network (DMN), which some call the Do Mostly Nothing circuit, comes to life when we stop intentional focus. And yet it uses nearly 20% of our body’s energy because “Under the brain’s conscious radar, it activates old memories, goes back and forth between the past, present, and future, and recombines different ideas. Using this new and previously inaccessible data, you develop enhanced self-awareness and a sense of personal relevance. And you can imagine creative solutions or predict the future, thereby leading to better decision-making too. The DMN also helps you tune into other people’s thinking, thereby improving team understanding and cohesion.” In this article for HBR, Srini Pillay, the author of Tinker, Table, Doodle, Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind, outlines a few ways to intentionally activate the DMN during your day. (Harvard Business Review)
UNDERSTANDING THE MALE FRIENDSHIP CONUNDRUM
You know when the world clusters on you? Like when three different people send you the same meme? In the past week, male loneliness and the general lack of friendships (especially when compared to the women in their lives), keeps coming up. In the New York Times, they write, “Boys get everything. Except the thing that’s worth having.” It takes an emotional vulnerability to make friends, especially as an adult. But lacking friends impacts your health and well-being. So why do men struggle with this? Justin Pere, for the Gottman Institute, writes about how there’s not only a stigma around male bonding, but even “entrenched gender roles that valorize stoicism and independence, often at the expense of emotional openness and interdependence.” However, he also offers suggestions on how men can build deeper friendships—which, spoiler alert, work for women too ; ) (Also on this topic, highly recommend Grayson Perry on ‘What’s Gone Wrong With Men’) (Gottman Institute)
HOW THE SELF CARE INDUSTRY MADE US SO LONELY
Advertising suggest quick fixes, but what if self care is about community, rather than quick fixes? I enjoyed this deep dive on how we talk about self-care has changed over the years. (Vox)
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:: REFLECTIONS ON PLAYING WITH CLAY ::
One of the things that comes with living out of a carry-on suitcase is a lack of hobbies. I mean, it’s not entirely fair — Yoga could be considered a hobby, though it primarily worked for me because studios have yoga mats and I wasn’t required to pack anything extra. I love learning, and Faris and I will frequently take cooking classes when traveling. But for the past few years now, I’ve been really wanting to take pottery classes.
I tried finding them in places we were, but the stars never aligned - they were booked up or on a day I couldn’t do. I was convinced last year that I would find a pottery studio in Seattle when we were staying with my sister for her birth, but even with advance planning, all of the studios were entirely booked up. And when I got to Chattanooga, the same thing happened to me.
But, I’m nothing if not persistent! I asked to be put on a waiting list, and when the next set of classes would be released. I signed up for the newsletter, set multiple alarms and managed to sign up for a 6-week series.
And y’all. It’s been a blast. I’ve also been having lots of feelings about the whole thing. I mean admittedly, I’m also in a time of transition.
Some days it’s a mind-fuck thinking about going from nomading to house. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it. But staying still, without all of the stimulus from travel, all of the feelings are very, um, present! And playing with clay, all of the feelings feel especially present. It’s this time of stillness, and it’s becoming a ritual for me.
I’m not great at commitment or consistency, but the classes have forced me into a little routine that I’m coming to love. Here are some of the things I’ve been reflecting on:
It’s hard to be bad at something. Faris and I have been running a successful business for more than 10 years. I frequently play in my comfort zone, and enjoy doing things I’m good at. I mean of course I’m not an amazing potter after a few hours at the wheel. Usually, learning a new skill means being bad at something when you first start out. It’s easy logic, but when you’re the one being bad at the thing, it feels kinda awful. And when your teacher says “Why are you doing that?! Stop!” your heart thumps really loudly in your chest… and long after she’s come over and calmly explained what you were doing wrong, after she’s guided your hands back into the right position, your heart is still thumping loudly in your chest.
It’s important to test your boundaries, and sometimes that means breaking something you worked hard on. Our friend Ronan was visiting from London, and he’s been taking pottery classes for years. He asked me when was the last time I like *really* messed up a pot. And I thought about it and responded with what I thought was a perfectly Bob Ross answer of “I don’t think any of them are messed up!” He shot back with, “But you’re only going to learn if you mess them up, Rosie! This is the thing! Next time, mess up a pot.” And Ronan was right! It was only through doing too many pulls and sacrificing the structural integrity of my pot that I could really see how thin I could actually go.
It’s important to be playful. Last week, I volunteered for one of the 3-day kids camps the studio hosted, where 9-12 year olds made animal jars. My mind was blown with these kids’ creativity! There was a cyborg Yoshi and a Kylo-Bowie-Guy (that’s Kylo Ren x Bowie x Shy Guy in case you were wondering.) There were some ((serious artists)) who made some stunning work. But my eyes were drawn to the ones that weren’t so perfectly rendered. The ones that felt like they didn’t take themselves so seriously. I love the playful vibes, and my wonky cup handle turned out to be my favorite accent on the pots I made last session.
We’re allowed to have things that we do simply for enjoyment. There doesn’t need to be a greater purpose behind it. With things like traveling, I don’t have to even remind myself of this! But making something, crafting something, you have an end product. I have to keep reminding myself that my end goal isn’t creating pottery worthy of selling, or putting in some art show. My end goal is having fun, while learning and building community. I’m doing it simply by showing up!
Always keep fingernail clippers — and ideally an apron, and a towel — but definitely fingernail clippers in your car. For someone who has loved her long nails, it’s challenging to remember to cut my nails each week but omg it makes such a difference!
If we can ever be of help to you, even outside of a formal engagement, please don’t hesitate to let us know. We love trading travel tips and recipes along with book recommendations and all things related strategy ; )
rockON,
faris & rosie | your friends over at geniussteals.co
(still want more? @faris is still “tweeting” while @rosieyakob prefers instagram stories)
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It's called Genius Steals because we believe ideas are new combinations and that nothing can come from nothing. But copying is lazy. We believe the best way to innovate is to look at the best of that which came before and combine those elements into new solutions.
Co-Founders Faris & Rosie are award-winning strategists and creative directors, writers, consultants and public speakers who have been living on the road/runway since March 2013, working with companies all over the world. We have a distributed team ourselves, an accounting team is based in Tennessee where our company is registered, our admin extraordinaire is based in Playa del Carmen, and our collaborators are all over the world. Being nomadic allows us to go wherever clients need us to be, and to be inspired by the world in between.
Hit reply and let’s talk about how we might be able to work together :)