Strands of Genius: Love is a Verb, Attracting Similar People, The 'Arrival Fallacy' of Soulmates

Guest curated by Nazia Du Bois

Nov 03, 2021

:: A BIT MORE ABOUT GUEST CURATOR, NAZIA DU BOIS ::

LOCATION: London, United Kingdom

PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT: Ricebowl

My earliest Rosie & Faris memory is of a late-night singalong in our friend Ben’s NYC apartment, Faris joyfully banging at the piano (with possibly a few drinks involved). In the decade since, they’ve become buddies, people I can always look to for inspiration, wisdom and general sparkle. Rosie and I are also active members of Ladies Who Strategize, a slack group that’s an incredible source of support for all female strategy types.

This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about dating. I’ve recently entered the pool again myself after a long time in relationshipville (wish me luck, y'all), and, as an independent marketing director, I also regularly find myself in a match-making position between brands and their agencies. It seems obvious, but client-agency dating is so much like personal dating. I see the same things crop up in both worlds - people not knowing what they want, nervous over/undershares, butterflies, side huddles (but what did they mean??), a constant eye on other potential matches, lovebombing, even ghosting. Occasionally, there’s that fleeting moment of relationship nirvana in which both sides feel understood, loved and even improved. And then we’re back to swiping and griping, all in the hope that the next perfect moment is the one that lasts. So this week, some thoughts on relationships, and how to be our best in them.

Editor’s Note (Rosie & Faris): It’s true!! What better origin story than a night singing show tunes together late into the night?! We love that we’re known for inspiration and sparkle, but honestly, those words could equally be used to describe Nazia. She’s one of those individuals who immediately makes you comfortable, and you’ll leave any conversation with her feeling inspired — about work, and life. We’re counting down the days til we hug it out in December, Nazia! Thank you so much for these wonderful links!

:: THE LINKS ::

LOVE IS A VERB, NOT A NOUN.

I think that dating - both professionally and personally - is messy because humans are messy and just a lot of work. We’re now so surrounded by #relationshipgoals as soundbites on social media that it’s easy to forget quite how much daily graft is involved in the background to these things. This piece about Esther Perel by the always brilliant Maria Popova reminds us that the act of loving is a more important goal than that of being loved. (The Marginalian)

CHOOSE ONE.

A wise friend once told me that shiny happy people attract other shiny happy people, and people with broken or stale energy attract more of the same. I’ve found this to be very true in both personal and client relationships - so much of being a 'dateable' partner comes down to the work you’ve done on yourself. This stunning reading by Andrew Scott (he of Fleabag hot-priest fame) of an Edith Sampson* commencement speech, produced by the Almeida Theatre, challenges us to think about the version of ourselves we choose to be, both in our relationships with ourselves and others. (*Edith Sampson was the first African-American delegate to the UN; the video is thirteen minutes long and so worth it I promise.) (YouTube)

THE ‘ARRIVAL FALLACY’ OF SOULMATES.

Finally, on the theme of lifelong work, this piece reassures us that soulmates are made, not found. I think there are so many transferable lessons across the personal/professional divide - imagine if we gave our clients the same candour and vulnerability we share with our partners, and if we gave our loved ones the same drop-everything-for-you undivided attention we give our clients or bosses. We’d be doing the real work of building deep soulmate relationships, the ones we work hard at all our lives, and don’t have to post about every day. (The Atlantic)

Looking for more from Nazia Du Bois? Those enrolled in The School of Stolen Genius will receive a deep dive from her in their inbox shortly! You can access all our expert interviews for SOSG here.

:: AND NOW… SOME FAST FAVORITES ::

:: Game :: Charades!

:: City :: Shanghai

:: Book :: Mrs. Dalloway

:: Podcast :: Philosophy Bites

:: Album :: xx by The xx

:: BONUS PIECE ::

Finally, a bonus piece that I just found incredibly helpful as an indie business owner/ juggler of all the things. Tom Critchlow's 'mental accounting' model as a way of thinking about headspace was a real a-ha moment for me, so maybe it’ll be helpful for some of you too. Tom is writing a book stuffed with his brilliance and I can’t wait to read it.

I run Ricebowl, a BIPOC female-led strategy practice, mostly out of London (and occasionally out of Dhaka, where I was born). I’ve spent time client side (Netflix) and agency side (Ogilvy) and now love the autonomy of a deliberately small business that focuses on brand positioning work. A few years ago I trained as a chef on a lark, ended up working 17-hour shifts in a Michelin starred restaurant, and realized pretty quickly that desk jobs are actually amazing and I must never complain about them again. Currently open to potential collaborations, food musings, and being set up with your awesome single friends.

Nazia Du Bois

nazia.dubois@gmail.com

linkedin | ricebowl

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It's called Genius Steals because we believe ideas are new combinations and that nothing can come from nothing. But copying is lazy. We believe the best way to innovate is to look at the best of that which came before and combine those elements into new solutions.

Co-Founders Faris & Rosie are award-winning strategists and creative directors, writers, consultants and public speakers who have been living on the road/runway since March 2013, working with companies all over the world. Our Director of Operations is nomadic like us, our accounting team is based out of Washington, our company is registered in Tennessee, and our collaborators are all over the world. Being nomadic allows us to go wherever clients need us to be, and to be inspired by the world in between.

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